just took the math midterm. there is no way in hell i passed.

Sadly, a student in one of our satellite campuses killed herself last week (I am told due to personal issues - not school). She wasn't Jewish. The faculty and student body, as well as her family, have chosen to deliver the eulogies at her school on Monday. They requested a non denominational ceremony which is fitting because every religion and ethnicity will be represented there on Monday. In order to make sure things remain "appropriate" my boss was designated to come up with some "inspirational" stuff (verses, a short reading, poetry etc...) that would be "okay" for the students to read aloud. By definition - that means that this is now *my* job. I have been online the entire morning and have found some stuff but would like a bit more. If any of you have any ideas of a specific poem or something about the meaning of life or whatever - give me a shout? Thanks

Friday Fodder

Looks like I'm going to Whiskey Fest this year with P. Next Tuesday night. The ticket was meant for someone else but the person couldnt make it. For some reason next week a few things "freed up" for me (no classes next week) so looks like I will get to have something of a breather from School Stuff. I look forward to taking a few swigs here and there too to be perfectly blunt.

I just had to get a new primary physician as the one I have had since 2001 doesnt take my current health insurance coverage. I scrounged around on the Empire website and found the name of a doctor - a dude - not far from where we live. I called up to find out if he was taking any new patients, only to be told that he retired. So the woman on the phone was strangely not offering any information. I asked, well - which doctor is at this address? (i.e.: who do you work for lady? Is it a doctor? If so - how can I sign up?). She said it was X X. I said okay - is he taking any new patients. She says, "Its a she." Again, silence. So I pushed with a couple of more questions until I finally got the pertinent info in order to call up my health care provider and switch to her. You see, I shop for doctors the same way one would buy any kind of grocery item. Oh - out of stock on this? Substitutes are JUST FINE! So *after* I finished switching to this random woman physician, I google here and realize she has only been in practice for 5 years. She gradauted in Poland. Finished up (or rather, Americanishezed her MD) at the NYC Medical College. In short, Im in for some further good blog material.

Polish women can be fun though. We shall see.

Looks like I'm going to Whiskey Fest this year with P. Next Tuesday night.

GRRR

Deleted this blog for one friggin day and already going through withdrawal. Not that I have been posting any real brilliancy here, but knowing that it was somehow "Not There" sort of got to me. Still yo yoing with this though. Not sure if I still *wont* be deleting it. If I do, I have to at least buy another memory stick so I can at least export it. 5 years worth of ramblings to just merely flush down the toilet is somehow...criminal.

There are a lot of things that peeve me. I am sure that all of you can tell that fact about myself. But I swear, after this week I will be THRILLED if I never have to get another leaflet shoved in my face and someone yelling at me, "VOTE FOR X - THEY NEED YOUR VOTE!" Well fuck you bitches. I need some goddamn "votes" too. No one ever knows who the fuck any of you are until about 2 weeks before elections anyway and we mostly get to see how one fuck blasts about the other fuck on TV saying something really ominous, "Did YOU KNOW that X did NOTHING about A, B and C? And where on earth is the TAXPAYER'S DOLLAR GOING???? WELL THIS CRAPPY ASSHOLE SPENT IT!" So they hope that the dumb fat shmucks sitting at home on their ass-busted couches will writhe in rage and bust a gut to get down to their local voting booths and get the shmuck out. "Oh my - how DARE that FUCK steal MY money?" Er, you know what BeerBreath? You havent been earning any real dough or paying any real taxes since 1989 so why dont you shut the fuck up, start watching something that matches your IQ level, like one of those listless reality shows where you can watch people eat each other alive instead of watching THE NEWS which mind you, has the tendency to make people EVEN DUMBER because they feed you whatever lie some 20-something-runt crapped out of his PC approximately 2 hours before the 7 o'clock news. So how about getting the fuck outta my face!

The other thing I would pay any voo doo lady to perpetuate? Make the Yankees, the Mets, the Phillies and the entire fucking concept of BASEBALL go the fuck away. I swear, I cant go downstairs at work to get a blasted cup of coffee without hearing some ass yell at his friend down the block, "Yo! Did ya hear what went down with them Yanks???" Okay. We've heard it. Over and over and over and over and over. The national obsession that truthfully and honest to God, I DO NOT GET. Enjoy sports? Fine? But the very obsession about friggin' BASEBALL pisses me off. Maybe its because the game pisses me off or even better, the cheating, dumbass players piss me off even more. Most of them cant get a straight answer out to the media. "So, Shmuck - what do you say about that pitch by the last inning?" Shmuck: Um, well - we did the best we could. Um, we hope to do better next time. You just gotta go with your gut. Oh yeah? Its FUCKING BASEBALL. Go with your gut?? Who are you? A soldier in Patton's army? What makes you such a fucking celebrity? As far as I am concerned, all harried sports seasons piss me off. Football does too. Its just another lame excuse for us to glorify big dumb guys. If you all want to worship, why dont y'all create yourselves a nice little rotary club which can be *anywhere* but let there be a law that the obsession CANNOT pour out into the streets, onto my ferry, near my coffee tin booth, or in the elevator with the 3 janitors I just saw before yelling profanities because some dick didnt hit a ball right.

God bless America.

Gawwwd. How awful is it to be spending a delightfully FREE couple of hours on a Sunday doing ONLINE SHOPPING?? Any form of shopping is loathsome in my opinion. especially if its the kind of shopping that you *have* to do.

I FUCKING hate this. I am SO not in the mood for my nephew's wedding and I am particularly keen on avoiding any human contact while I am trying to shop for a FUCKING dress for this FUCKING wedding, so i am avoiding gemachs for now.
ROAR. I HATE THIS SHIT

Time for some more oddness. And a bit about my Yom Tov

Time for some levity. Every so often I go back to Cracked and am reminded that even the “pleasant” aspect of things we would normally consider to be “sweet” or “innocent”, isn’t. Some further chaotic food for fodder. Muuaaahaaa. At least consider the following before showing your kids all those lovely movies you grew up with. :-)


Ordered lunch from Circa today – a spinach and cheese calzone with tomato sauce on the side. Was not a satisfying meal but I am officially full right now. The sauce was way too funky. Had a sharp taste that sort of danced on your tongue. I could swear some cleaning agent spilled into it. I kept eating though. In another half hour we will see whether or not I am still sitting quietly at my desk or WRITHING on the floor (that was for you AC).

I figured I owe my esteemed readership some further fodder into my unlife (I really shouldn’t say that. I have a good life. Its just that P and I are so busy ALL THE TIME that our house begins to feel like a service station and at least mother and the baby are there to be sentries of the fort so-to-speak. We get home and are so tired we can barely speak to one another: “how was your day?” We could answer “awful” to one another and the other would probably say, “yeah? Good.” Without even *hearing* the gist of the response. At some point one nudges the other sleeping body up off the couch and invites the other to actually go sleep in a bed like a mensch. So far things are working well with my mom babysitting. She adores the baby and God forbid, I suspect that even if it was starting to get too much for her, she would find some sneaky ways to hide such a fact from me because I *know* she doesn’t want to “lose” spending that time the boobah. I would never be so cruel. Whatever I had to do, I would find a way to get her the help (i.e. me actually taking a job closer to home and having her stay on board just so that she still is around.) My line of thinking lately is truly horrible. Over yom tov, my mother had a vertigo attack and woke up at night feeling as if her bed was spinning beneath her. I got her Tylenol, water and such and of course, some new iron pills because she claims, its her chronic and very low iron/blood level (she has had this her whole life). But it got me very worried. As I was cooking in the kitchen I had one ear on the ceiling, listening for footfalls upstairs and it was Friday morning and 9:30 and I still hadn’t heard her rustle. S, my stepson, was with P in Brooklyn for Hoshana Rabba services and E (my stepdaughter) was upstairs still asleep (she is entering those regaled teenage years). For my mother though – it was extremely odd that she not be up at that time. God forgive me, but I have a way of thinking of the worse possible scenario and *planning* for it. I had this half-thought that if Godforbid something was *really* wrong with my mother (fill in the blanks because Im not spelling it out), I concocted a whole “plan” on how to make up some crazy excuse to get E and the baby to my mother in law and then move on to plan B: call Hatzalah, P etc… People in her family typically live pretty long lives so at 76 years of age I shouldn’t be so terribly concerned about her health but lately – I am. She wont go to a doctor and I just know that there is a lurking issue that isn’t quite at the surface yet. Perish the thought. But the bad subconscious thinking is there. I’m a worrywart. Someone kill me please.

The kids came to us last week – Tuesday night. They wanted to come earlier which was fine. I pulled into the driveway on my way home from class and the kids were being dropped off by their mom. I exchanged some brief words with her, and helped get the kids belongings out of her car. S then came outside holding the baby (whom he is *very* proud of) and wanted to show her off to his mom. This is not new, he has done this before. I decided to be ultra cool, I took the kids’ luggage toward the house and figured I would let S show the baby without me looking on. As I was nearing the front steps of the house, E had come out again to give her mom a hug goodbye and then I hear S in his trilly voice saying, “okay – group family hug!!” I didn’t turn around to watch. Again, this is his moment with his baby sister and its all innocent. The only thing for me was that it was utterly bizarre for me not knowing exactly what I should be feeling that very moment. My husband’s ex sort of being forced to include a group hug with her children’s sibling and me in the background feeling for her and having an odd mix of sweet and perhaps a tinge of bitter feeling. I am quite efficient at having mixed emotions and I like to think of them as food, because it pegs them better that way. Think of munching on ice cream and pickles at the same time. Or yogurt and Oreo cookies. Or perhaps a dry martini and with a splash of milk. Weird stuff. And Im wondering, is this a lack of maturity on my part that I cant quietly be certain of my own feelings with all of this? Should I be a little more possessive over my daughter? No. That much I know for sure. What to feel though – who the hell knows. In the end it was a child’s moment and I let it go.

I didn’t spell check this – so sorry for any real mishaps.

Not all Craigslist Folks are Ax Murders

So I haven’t been here in a while. I’m obsessed with school work and yom tov got in the way so I had to take care of that whole hiccup in my schedule. Bleh. Time to refocus and regroup. So I wasn’t here in a while because I was busy focusing on 100 other things. So y’all can stop crying bitches.

Y’all might wonder what happened with math (see 2 posts below if your interested). So I’m still dumb as a doornail in the subject but I got help. In pure desperation (and an utter frenzy of exasperated desperation). (Okay, desperation, whatever.) I went on Craigslist and searched for a tutor and found one. It’s a guy. I spoke with him briefly last Friday and made a date for Monday night. He lives way out near the Verrazano bridge and admittedly, P was pretty concerned. “Do you know anything at all about this person?”. Nah, I told him. But I know he’s “normal” because he was asking his wife (who was in the background) whether or not they had plans for Columbus Day. So to me its pure logic, if you have a wife you are pretty much normal (I hear most married guys would question that logic severely). My “little” brother in law, bless his heart, informs me Sunday night that if I end up calling him on my cell phone telling him I am locked in a closet which consists of a door and a hole in the ground in which to pee in, he will laugh his ass off. I told him he could go fuck himself, but we had a good laugh too. Because we share a twisted type of humor.

So in short, I went to the dude’s house Monday night, good and wholesome Irish last name, but his wife is dark (either Latina descent or Italian). He is a *good* teacher I must say. So I’m not dead or kidnapped. Am not typing this from some underground bunker. He is a retired high school math teacher and I have another “date” with him tomorrow night. If I pass the midterm and final on this course I will probably kiss the guy (or not) but definitely give some money to tzedakah because I basically want to be FINISHED.

Other than that, life is moving onwards. We are getting ready for my nephew’s wedding which is to take place in December in London (I might have mentioned this in a post below but who cares). I wish I was even vaguely excited. I’m not. I hate long distance travel, and traveling with my mom in and of itself is not something to celebrate. Plus we’ve got the kids etc… I’m nervous of family members asking any of us too many questions about our background and my mother fucking it up. Bleh.

Oh. My. God. Just when you think you knew it all about (at least) ONE given subject matter - you come across this

Have you guys noticed those “mortgage company” ads that typically appear on the side bar of your email screen (especially if you use AOL?) They also appear on any given cheesy site. They use blinking or repeating images of women; real or fake pictures. A woman exercising, a woman smiling, a woman dancing. All these repetitive movements – by women – so as to distract some moron enough to actually go and click on the ad? You guys know what I am referring to?

I find those ads to be demeaning because I know what the underlying, hidden message is. They are pushing soft porn in order to make some horny fool click on a goddamned “mortgage company’ ad. Heck, I would bring these “companies” up on charges of Being Annoying, Being *Really* Annoying, most probably for Being Fake and Non-Existent scam artists, and of course – for pushing “kosher porn” or at least the whiff of it.

Y’all *know* I’m right.

Okay...seriously? Articles like these piss me off. Why? Because I want to know how people find so much fucking time on their hands.

A miracle is needed

I need a good math tutor who wouldnt be entirely shocked by a complete retard in math (i.e.: me). If I dont pass this math course my life is over. I know this sounds harsh, but I am at my wits end. God. *Now* I know why I hated school all those years: MATH!!!

AUUURGGGH!

The "fun" continues

So last night I am on the way home from driving my mother back to Boro Park. The baby was in her car seat starting to get fretful, but thats fine. She never likes the expressway that time of night anyway. P didnt end up driving to Lakewood last night in the end. Too much traffic and he concluded he wouldnt be home until close to 10:30 if he did. So I am driving home and my cell phone rings. It was P and he sounded strained. To make a long story short my step son (age 10) left his Shabbos shoes by us last week, even though P had asked him to packed them probably about 3 times. But thats okay. Thats kids for you. But given that his ex (who we will call I. from now on) found this fact out last night she went on a rampage. She called up yelling, and I am told used terms such as referring to our "irresponsible parenting skills" as well as "not taking the initiative to make sure the kids are packed properly" and basically that from now on she figures we can worry about supplying all of the kids Shabbos things at our end so that they never have to transport anything from home and take the chance of us not packing it up and being "irresponsible" and "completely disrespectful to the stress she has to endure trying to get them organized for a shabbat or yom tov."
Oh yeah, she says, after having been in our chaotic abode where order "clearly doesnt exist".

Okay. Where do you go with that one? Completely lose it? At that point luckily it was late at night and Im like - wow P. I will probably know how to respond to all of this better once I get home. Boy, did I. I had a nice 20 minute drive to stew in my mind. I am certain everyone in the tri State area picked up some interference on the various radio waves given what my brain was exuding into the atmosphere at that particular time.

I get home and feel bad for him. Whats the use of me pouring out my anger when I knew he had done his share of yelling on the phone? I did manage to make a few key points though:

* There have been frequent times that the kids were sent to us and were missing some basic key things. Frequently its usually a shell which E. needs to wear under some of her things and she currently has two of my shells because thats what you do. If a kid is missing something, you find a way to provide it. E. and S. have come with too little underwear or no change. She has come a couple of times with no Shabbos shoes and has worn a pair of mine. Often times they dont have basic toiletries such as a hairbrush or enough hair gear. Big fucking deal. Thats why KMart is situated near us. Have we *ever* thrown these facts in I.'s face? Never. P had to start telling her to buy larger underwear for S. because frankly, S. is too embarrassed (being a boy and I guess the dynamic with his mom is such that he feels embarrassed to tell her too personal stuff), but to be utterly blunt, he was wearing stuff that was too small and it was hurting his "junk". P had to call her up and say, yo. The kid needs the next size. She got the next size accordingly. But my point? She's human. She's not always on top of things either and uh, being that we were sort of busy giving her daughter the party of HER LIFE this past weekend, maybe we were just a wee bit preoccupied with things at that moment?? Duh?

* I have personally shipped things to I. that the kids have left behind, more than a dozen times this past year (no, this is no exasperation). If we had had an extra day I would have over-nighted the shoes to him - which I have done before. She has no reason to be insulting or try to find a particular lame way of dissing our "parenting".

* Oh - and did I mention that *she* cant find the kids raincoats in her house even though I am *quite* sure I sent them home? Guess what? I got my butt to Burlington yesterday morning, ran a bit late to work as a result, but got it done. Found the kids some new rain gear and overnighted the stuff at Kinkos. Why? Part of me felt for her too. Single mom, who the fuck has time to go shopping these days? Im closer to such a store. Why not? But then at the end of the day you get some other lame shit thrown in your face.

And here's the biggest point of all. We can do tens of *great* things for the kids, and never a word of thanks or praise will be mentioned and frankly, we dont need it nor expect it of her. Why would she? But its almost like she *waits* for one little thing to screw up so that she can pounce and go "Aha!! See!? You guys really *do* suck".

So in a nutshell P. told her she "better not go there" in terms of forcing us to have to go and buy a whole Shabbat wardrobe for the kids on the weekends we have them. The growing spurts they are going through? They will end up wearing *our* stuff probably 9 weekends - *if* that. In other words: get over yourself. This is a *working relationship* so how about having some fucking respect for the hoops we get to jump through too?

In the end? P. drove to Lakewood this morning and took S. the shoes. We figured - keep the peace. Sure I threw around some of my pissiness because P. needed to know how I *really* felt about the bullshit. And thats pretty much the jist of *my* speech: "...this is *bullshit* P. Total and utter Bullshit." But in the end? The kids were glad to see their dad and if they have a good erev yom tov as a result, then so be it.

I am trying to move on.

It helped to have some Jack Daniels straight up at around 10 a.m. today.

A happy, healthy New Year to one and all. Thanks for letting me rant guys (as always).

some New Year cheer. Hurrah.

I am sick of sharing my husband with his fucking ex. I don’t understand why a woman as attractive as her can’t find a guy. Does she just enjoy flying on the fringes of someone else’s marriage or what? Whatever. Having a petty moment. I just get tired of all the wonderful benevolence that goes on out of our own domain. Its like my husband is on her speed dial and why the fuck would she even make an effort to find her own life when she can sponge off mine? There have been times that my own immediate needs are not met because he is busy making sure his kids/ex are all happy at their end. I cant fault him directly because he is trying to be Mr. Good and does his best.

Eh. Fuck the world.

Sorry, AC. I sent myself in a tizzy earlier. I’ll get over myself soon. I always do.

Oh yeah, and on that happy note, a Shana Tovah to one and all.

Hey Y'all. I'm Baaaack

Back from Texas. Godawful hot. People are either too rednecky or too friendly. I personally prefer those cold pretentions Dallas-type people. They are fun to snigger at and its scientifically proven that they all have something up their asses (saw a bunch of them at the artsy fartsy market. Couldnt *believe* some of them would be there). In any case, I was in Elmendorf, TX (right outside San Antonio) and I had a really nice time. Was good to hang out with my brother and sister in law, and was especially nice that my oldest brother (a.k.a "Mr. Clean" - you will see the pics below and understand) came out on Sunday and stayed until nightfall. The best part about going there is That everything is SO toned down. Even people’s work environments are completely different than the work environment’s here. I mean, don’t get me wrong; there are plenty of serious people in Texas – they just seem to know how to kick back a little better than we do. So, all was good. Went to the Wimberly market (artsy and vintage stuff), hung out at the pool which is only 28 miles away and the baby was very cool with the animals. A few pics follow below.

But first, totally unrelated – got an evil chuckle out of this today. And boy, I definitely needed that chuckle.

Bathtime!


At one of the "art" booths


Hanging out and Droolin'


Not ready for Island vacations yet here


Market Day! Featuring un-Bais Yaakovy clothing


Smiles on the trainride


With Cousin Sarah (who is adopted and of Native American origins. I write this here as I know she would never find it. Good kid.)



With my brothers (and no Im not as fat as this picture makes me look. Sheesh)



With Auntie Laura

Gone and Back

Family and I just got back from Lake George, NY this week. We were there Sunday thru Wednesday and had a relatively nice time. Everyone worked well together, and since we were a nice group of people we had enough bodies to split up the groups according to age-appropriate activities (sister in law and I ended up going together with her 2 little ones and the baby so that they wouldnt feel or be too overwhelmed. I mean, afterall, there is only so much boating a 5 month old, a 2 year old and a four year old can take.) All in all everything worked out well and I am amazed to say that I wish we had had at least one or two more days at it. I was just starting to destress and then it was time to turn around and come home.

Next week am on my way to Texas. That should be a hoot.

Some Odd Stuff

Ever seen an engineering catastrophe? Online or in real life? Send me a photo via email to Lizlamentations@yahoo.com and I will make it my business to post it here (if its clever enough that is!).

Here's one I stole from somewhere. SO bizzarre. And here I thought Boro Park construction was off the charts.



And remember being a kid and seeing things in a really weird-ass kind of way? But you wouldnt share with anyone because you didnt want your mother to give you the "Im-scared-of-you" look?? Well, guess what??? These people here totally see things the way I do! (er, did). Hilariously dorky but I love it. Too quirky to be true!

Summer Doldrums

Sigh*. Supposed to be doing “work” now and just plain don’t have the cranial energy to push papers anymore (or plug my boss’ school children’s entire fucking school calendars into his Outlook which is a lot less than thrilling.) Boss just left too so I have a couple of precious hours to waste here. A few notes of interest:

• My good friend Nachum is on his way to the Holy Land as I write this – for GOOD. Yup. He is doin’ the aliya thing and heaven help me, if I don’t feel a wee bit left in the dust over here. I gotta find the time to sit P down and really hash out the Topic of Israel with him. I really want to move there for some crazy reason. I think its all ideology. I want my daughter to have the kind of mentality I grew up with over there – because it makes you a tougher, stronger type of person. And well, Israel is a place where it’s a bit easier to have ideals and *other interests* other than mindless crummy work, work, work. You are doin’ the right thing Nach – more power to you and may the rest of us find a way to follow you.
• Have to find some summer clothing for my size 12-14 body now. Am too fucking busy to work out and now that my last school semester is about to begin – heaven help me. Bleh. The baby weight will just have to wait I guess. Will be leaving for Texas on Sept. 3. 100 degrees there nonstop for the past 2 weeks. So will have to find non-Bais Yaakov type summer stuff to run around in (a.k.a shorts, more t-shirts etc…) Hmm. Not sure I have the gall to wear the shorts though.
• Before Texas though, hubs, kids and I are about to do a pilgrimage with 2 other sister in laws and their families to Lake George next week for a few days. Hopefully all goes well.
• Finally – some brainless fun (compliments of Cracked off course):


Fatawesome is a sketch group from Boston. We've featured a bunch of their videos and recently started publishing their webcomic. In this week's update, we see a woman almost show her husband not to disrespect women.




Also - for those of you who are planning a trip via air this season, check this out. It might make you choose another form of transportation.

Trying to find a minyan in or near Cooperstown, NY - with zero success. This is for my boss. I have heard that chassidim go to Sharon Spa, NY a lot but cant find anything substantial online. Anyone here have a clue?

A few random thoughts:

* CDs suck because they get ruined so easily. Am sponsoring a Shabbos Scholar in Residence program and God knows we could use some "scholarly fodder" so Im cooking, drinking to mellow out, and listening to SmashMouth. Yes - I *love* Smashmouth. My BIL would probably call me a "faggot". Oh yeah, I forgot - he already has. Anyhoo, the disk is earmarked somehow so its skipping. Am just thinking - CDs suck when they dont work. Who the fuck is going to think of a way to allow us LOWLY PEOPLE to listen to music without worrying about the fucking device's possibilities of meltdown?

* You know that friend of mine I bitched about more than I would like to say? (not out of guilt because it shows how unexciting my life is): Oh yeah. I mentioned so many times before - if any fuckers here are interested, feel free to google on my blog - cuz i sure as hell dont have the energy to go looking for this fucking topic on my fucking blog. So she's coming to sleep over 2nite. why? because she wants to "help" for this scholar in residence program. She hasnt seen my new kid yet. Oh yeah, I have a devout and devoted relationship with the emotion called Guilt. FUCK THE WORLD.

what ever. i had more to say. later.

WTF???

Watch it. This is gonna be read by "mishpocha" and will bite me in the butt, but here goes: my little bro in law (taller than me these days, yet I keep calling him "little") had to answer some questions based on a book he "read" this summer for school. So he didnt read it and we schemed some crazy deal. Oh yeah - he is setting and serving at the kiddush this Shabbat so I thought it just made sense to do the book deal for him. Its called, "Brave New World" by Huxley (first name: Alan, Adolph? Might as well be Adolph for all practical purposes.) So its a small book; I read 4 chapters on the subway this morning. By the time I got off the train I felt the bile rising in my throat. This book is AWFUL. Its Lolita meets I Am Legend that meets Planet of the Apes. Here is a smidgen review of it from chapter 3:

The tour proceeds outdoors. Outside in the playground, six or seven hundred naked children are running around. They play a game called Centrifugal Bumble-puppy, which involves a chrome steel tower and a rolling ball. It is a complicated game. The director points to a boy and a girl engaging in a sexual game. A nurse passes by with a howling little boy-he had seemed reluctant to engage in erotic play, so she is taking him to the Assistant Superintendent of Psychology. The Director tells the students an incredible story: before the time of Our Ford, erotic play between children had been regarded as abnormal and suppressed. The students are shocked to learn that in the time before Ford, erotic play was forbidden as children, adolescents, and at times all the way up until the people were over twenty years old.

Topic Tracking: Sexuality 3

A deep voice suddenly breaks in, saying that the results were terrible. The voice belongs to his fordship Mr. Mustapha Mond, the Resident Controller for Western Europe. At this moment, the four thousand electric clocks at the Centre strike four. Henry Foster and the Assistant Director of Predestination purposefully turn their backs in the elevator to snub a man named Bernard Marx of the Psychology Department. He is described as having an "unsavoury reputation."
Chapter 3, pg. 34.
Topic Tracking: Inferiority 3
The students are awed by the presence of Mustapha Mond. He is one of the Ten World Controllers. He shares with the students: "You all remember, I suppose, that beautiful and inspired saying of Our Ford's: History is bunk." Chapter 3, pg. 34 History has been wiped away like dust; all forms of past culture, even the memories of Ancient Greece and Rome, Jerusalem, Shakespeare, and Odysseus have been eliminated. The Director is nervous and confused to leave the students in the hands of Mond because he has heard rumors that the Controller has forbidden books like poetry and Bibles in his office.

(Sorry Getz. You always have to see the topics I post *after* I yell about them to you on IM). The book was written by a wild intellectual who was trying to make a point: if we arent careful, science and power can take over our civilization to such a degree until we lose the very ebb of humanity, the essence of our souls, whatever we hold near and dear. In this "Post Society" written about in the book, everything that is taboo to us is encouraged such as, child pornography and erotic play. Marriage and religion however are dirty words in this society and punishable by exile. Children are brainwashed from infancy, and there is a clear caste system. Oh yeah, and God is known as "Our Ford..." (a twist on "Freud"). So Im thinking to myself, my 17-year-old brother in law is being assigned a book that is intellectually way and above high school level, and frankly, he wont be able to sift through the smut of this book in order to find its POINT. You end up drowning in full regalia describing full blown orgies (called Orgy Porgies in the book). Yuck. Leave it the English to take something dirty and make it even dirtier.

So I worked on the whole summary of the book online, did the work and we move on. I feel like writing a letter and tearing his yeshiva up for assigning such a fucking twisted book. As I told Getz just now, my very soul feels dirty and contaminated.

There are days I mamash love my boss; or at least how his mind works. He’s on the phone with a good friend of his, a fellow Rabbi (who happens to be a certain Rabbi of a certain kehilla) and he is telling him how awful it was to be doing laundry at a coin laundry facility up in the BorchstBelt this weekend (the kids underwear only) and how CNN kept blasting the awful “Corruption” story every 10 minutes excitedly proclaiming, “Rabbis, Mayors and politicians busted…oh my!” And there sits my boss waiting for the dryers to finish their job and he’s sitting there with a yarmulka on simply dying, praying and pleading that amongst all those gishmake rednecks from the famed and glorified regions of “upstate New York” that the very floor open up and swallow him alive. He has one major taayna at this point: he said to his friend on the phone, these fakakta “tzaddikim” as they are being led out on the “perp walk”, why cant these jerks at least have the decency to take off their yarmulka and beketchers before being led out in front of the media parade? What – they are such tzaddikim that they cant walk out 2 amos without a yarmulka? Can they have any sense of decency to at least think of the klal and that PERHAPS it may not be wise to parade in front the world in their JEWISH GARB and thereby allow so much more food for fodder to our most zealous Jew haters out there to begin with? I thought that was a legitimate argument actually. In fact, his friend on the phone agreed.

Not feeling the love of the "good guys" right now. One prosecutor calls all the individuals involved in this most historical corruption case "individuals who live in an ethics-free zone." Am not entirely sure what can be said here. Am still processing the various bits and pieces that are still being unveiled.

This is for you Nachum:

And since the joys of the internet actually offered this, I thought I'd be lame enough to post an older version:

More Nostalgia

Apparently even the President endorsed smoking in this country too:
(what a dashing fellow though.)







I dunno. This was somehow both strange and disturbing:

And for those who think Feminism is nothing but an irritating and irrational movement. There was actually good cause for it:

Oh Look. More weirdness

I recall when taking an Art History Course about two years ago and we analyzed a bunch of retro-nostalgic ads and had to analyze the "artistic theme" behind each one. Who knew that advertisers back then were seriously demented? (Sorry for pursuing this topic: found some more ads from various places on the web. Funny stuff):






Abusive dad? No problem. Just change his coffee...





Great. Now old people are not only silly but considered dangerous without medication






You know when a point made is just waaay to strong? Classic example here:







Look! Its Chucky selling Ginger Ale. Yay! (from where I found this, this kid freaked several people out.)





Teen Magazine has been historically great at being so incredibly un-PC

Fry that baby, fry!

Hey look. It was actually the *doctors* who promoted cancer in this country for a while

Thats because you suck dude. Even your cigarette smoke has more appeal.

Mommy isnt too bad a trophy either

......

And the winner: An ad from the 30s. Dead ringer for either Vivian Leigh or Catherine Bell from JAG (remember that show?). This ad pretty much takes everything nice and beautiful and turns it into a mind numbing, scuzzy and disgusting fodder for tasteless Bible thumpers - or something - back then. The guy who put this together should be hung. Oh right. He's already dead.

Oy

And you thought American society was all warm and fuzzy. Get a load of these ads and then don’t be surprised that the country is going to hell in a hand basket (and enjoy a blast from the past).

Once again guffawing way too loudly here at work.

Have a class presentation tonight in my Special Ed class. We were told to choose a disability and expound about it. With my husband's help I chose Duchenne's Muscular Dystrophy. Typing up the "hand out" I have to give in class tonight. Depressing stuff

A public declaration in defense of my blog

As I stated to someone yesterday whom I have made something of a “peace” with – I just want to say the following: my blog is my life source. Without my ability to write and rant here and share with the 2.5 friends here and 3 anonymous people (whom you nor I know each other) and get of your feedback from – there would have been days in which I would have not known what to do with myself. The one thing a therapist told me during the time I was dating my husband, was that the key to life is finding a way to put into words what you are feeling inside. If I can somehow manage to do that, then things will find their way to head towards some kind of sense. Other than that piece of advice, the therapist (a woman) was completely useless to me. (And yes I know that therapists have to be a “good fit”. Shopping around for one at this point in my life just doesn’t sound too appetizing. I usually happen to know in my gut what needs to be done and if I can ever reach a degree of calm I will eventually do what needs to be done in order to make a problem go away.)

I have been blogging since 2004 and have lashed out towards co workers, friends, family and as of late – family-in-law. That in and of itself is not the purpose of this blog. All people mentioned herein are referred to either by initials or fictitious names have been used in their stead. I do not hate my family. I feel the pain and anguish that we all experience from time to time and since we live in such close proximity to one another, it happens to be that *that* anguish tends to color our own lives as well – on all kinds of levels. It is a fact. Until we all manage to find separate communities that make sense for each of us to pick up and move to – this will most probably be our reality for the time being.

In addition to the above I am a person of the written word. I don’t communicate as well verbally as I do in writing. Conversation is often a very sketchy non-flowing organism and commonly an unsatisfying manner of getting an entire thought across. I often have conversations with those closest to me and can end up feeling dissatisfied if the concept that needed to be related was less in-depth than I would have liked. The other particular use for a blog is the fact that I know that my 2-3 people are out there, checking in every so often to see what’s going on in my life, and that knowledge alone is my *sole* motivation for trying to get back here as frequently as I can possibly pull it off. Its like I now “owe” someone something and it keeps me disciplined enough to come here, put down some thoughts, either good or bad, and feel like I vented for a day. Further, those of you who comment back to me and offer your guidance, support, and sometimes even chastisement is so cherished to me that words fails to describe how important you “peeps” have become to me. I don’t have time anymore to meet up with that dear friend/s from time to time in a bar and rant at the world. I do miss those days when hard things erupt and I really need to get something off my chest. At least I still have my outlet. This is *my* outlet, and it is not meant to be hurtful to anyone. I don’t feel that I owe anyone an apology for having a blog and writing in a gritty, human style what happens to be my particular style in this blog. If you don’t like what you see here – you don’t have to visit it. Its that simple.

Lately my motives and ethical stability has been questioned. I still smart from this but am trying to move on. There are those out there who feel that *their* way of doing things is the *only* way. I pity your inability to see other people’s points of view. There is a point wherein we all have to get off our “moral high horse” every so often and try to see another person’s perspective. That’s just the way I operate. If that makes me out to be the clueless one, then so be it. In the meantime: my blog is mine and is here to stay. Thank you.

Sometimes it just doesn’t pay to be nice. My Pollyanna days are over. Im finding my own private island and am fleeing. The end.